He Said 'Ok' - Visual Summary

The Anatomy of the Spiral

The 0.14 Rule

Maya's husband replied "ok" to a list of seven complex questions. To a traumatized brain, that's not efficiency—it's a 0.14 "ok" per question ratio. A forensic audit of his tone begins instantly.

0.14

Responses per
Request

"A regulated nervous system reads 'ok' and thinks 'he's busy'; a traumatized nervous system reads 'ok' and hears a door slamming."

The Decorated Veteran

Anxious attachment isn't a defect; it’s a veteran that keeps tackling your husband at dinner because it hasn't realized the war is over.

Forensic Stages

01 Re-read text in a "specific tone"
02 Audit old heart emoji frequency
03 Identify "shifts" in behavior
04 Mental draft of separation papers

The Mechanism

The Devil is in the Whispers

Trauma takes a past truth (like a parent leaving) and turns it into a universal law. It runs antivirus software from 1997 on a modern relationship, flagging a guy eating cereal as a threat.

Abandonment Math

"The safer I feel, the more I should panic."

Secret Tests

Rigging a trial for an exam they never joined.

Check the Age

When the spiral hits, ask one question:

"How old do I feel right now?"

Usually, the answer is seven.

HEALING IS...

Not the alarm stopping, but recognizing it as "old smoke" and choosing not to evacuate.

The Toolkit

Tactics for de-escalating the internal fire.

Delay, Don't Deny

Wait 2 hours or one sleep. If the "case file" still exists at 2 AM, it's a conversation. Usually, it evaporates.

The Code Word

Tell your partner "The alarm is going off." It’s the map to your landmines given during a calm moment.

Progress Looks Like

Days of silence → 40 minutes & a weird look.

He Said 'Ok'
And Now I'm Planning the Divorce

The 0.14 Rule

"A regulated nervous system reads 'ok' and thinks 'he's busy'; a traumatized nervous system reads 'ok' and hears a door slamming."

The Decorated Veteran

Forensic Stages

The Devil is in the Whispers

Check the Age

The Toolkit

Delay, Don't Deny

The Code Word

01. The Spiral

02. The Child

03. The Map

04. The Fire